Chris & Pitts No. 15

601 N Euclid St
Anaheim, CA92801
(714) 635-2601

Some people think that mad scientists build time machines out of Deloreans. I beg to differ, I say that they are made out of Chris and Pitts Bar-B-Q restaurants. Ask someone who grew up in Orange and LA County about barbecue and someone is guaranteed to mention Chris & Pitts. There are several that dot the landscape and the one that is graded here is the one in Anaheim. This way back machine took me back to a childhood I never had: one with brown, vinyl, buttoned crescent bench seats, faux-wood paneling, ceiling fans, fake green plants, sticky tables and a hint of “musty”.

As I glanced over the menu, it seemed like it went on and on, this was one large menu! However, for the literacy impaired it was also littered with a plethora of unflattering but realistic photographs of your lunchtime possibilities. Marge took my order (or her name could have been Marge) as I pondered over the Texas Hickory Smoked Bar-B-Q Ribs and the Bar-B-Q Brisket. But then I found the HAM! I asked Marge if the ham was smoked. It was so good of her to go the back and ask the cook. She returned with an affirmative and so it was done.

As the other patrons reprimanded their children for spilling their drinks, then reprimanded their spouse, while failing completely to reprimand themselves, I sat in my booth and tried to sit still. Every time I moved the seat creaked and made noises that sounded rude. Finally, Marge returned with my ham sandwich.

This was comfort food. Greasy, overly buttered bread, somewhat smoked ham and fries. I’m sure I walked out of there 10 lbs. heavier, I had begun the process of becoming like other guests. I started my car and quickly headed out to Disneyland to walk a few miles and burn some calories in a utopia of stressed, shouting parents and screaming children.

C-

Wood Ranch BBQ and Grill

El Paseo Plaza
22352 El Paseo
Rancho Santa Margarita

If you're ever unsure if a place serves up real BBQ, do what we did and call the place. "Hello. Yeah, we're really hungry for some good BBQ. Do you smoke the meat there? Answer: Yes, we have a two step process where we smoke the meat for hours overnight, then grill it before we serve it." Thanks, that's what we needed to know. Magic Box, take us there, Now!

Little did we know that this place was a real road trek from where were had called from. We headed north, through a valley of trailer parks, then up and over a couple of mountain ranges, clung to the single lane that was still in place since the other side crumbled into the wash below, up over another hill with sweeping views and multi-million dollar homes, then into some utopian suburban neighborhood filled with well-preened, well-to-do's with seemingly matching bleach-blond coiffures. Where the heck is this place! Finally, we found it, after about an hour and a half trek. This better be good!

The interior of this restaurant is of a modern architectural style with a combination of exposed wood, rock, and metallic surfaces. Although the service staff here are all dressed head to toe in black, slacks and collar shirts with ties. Is this really BBQ? As Good Bro #1 and I talk about our trek through the social-economic cross section of America to get here, our server appears. "Welcome to Wood Ranch. Can I start you off with something to drink?" I say, I'll have an ice tea. Unexpectedly, I got another question from our server, "Regular or passion?" Uh, what? I'll just stick with the regular, thanks. It was a bit noisy in the restaurant at the time, but did he say passion? Oh well. We've ordered up some thin fried onion strings, and a combination plate with beef ribs, pork ribs, and tri-tip with beans and coleslaw on the side.

Let the grading begin. The onion strings here were excellent. They were sliced very thin, were crispy, and not very oily. We would later find that the onion strings would reheat well and would be perfect to use for a good ol' fashioned green bean casserole. The ribs were tasty, with hints of spiciness, and not overcooked, but we both had a problem with the smothering sauce. Although I thought the sauce was pretty tasty, there was just too much of it coating the ribs - an unsettling common form of malpractice amongst the barbecue greats. The coleslaw was fresh and crunchy with peanuts and a tangy taste. The beans were also pretty good. The best on the dish was definitely the tri-tip. This was hands down the best tri-tip I have ever had with a nice smoky aroma and very tender. The Good Bros like cornbread, but we didn't see that option on the menu. : (

We left here with some leftovers in a bag that seemed worthy of treasures from Fashion Valley Mall and felt happy that the long trek here was at least worth it. Maybe we'll see a Wood Ranch open up in San Diego territory sometime. Time to drive home.

B+

Sweet Lumpy's BBQ

28464 Old Town Front St.
Temecula, CA 92590

There were big plans for this weekend and I'm not talking about partying. Partying is for college students who have not figured out yet that they have to make something of themselves before their student loans have to be paid back. No, these were plans for the focused type: the kind of effort that separates the weak from the strong, the bbq eaters from the aficionados. One free Saturday meant that it was time to head out to new territory. We were only sure of one target but we knew that Magic Box could take us to more options to fill the day.

A spirited ride to Old Town Front street took us to a thriving, pleasant, tourist trap known as Old Temecula. Temecula is known more for its wine country, a closer stopping off place for those who don't have the time or money for a Napa Valley tour. Little known to us, but if you wanted to get a dose of Wild West, this was the place to be. It looked like a new development versus the beautiful old wreck that you might find at Knott's Berry Farm's Ghost Town.

Toward the north end of the street is a place called Sweet Lumpy's, winner of the best ribs in the Inland Empire 2005 and Best Barbecue Restaurant on the Inland Empire 2006. It also sports a Barona award for ribs. The shop's patio welcomes you with a pleasant slotted roof covering, wood deck, and a slew of clever bbq memorabilia on the inside with scent of smoke tickling your olfactory. I'm excited. Looking over the menu and I could not resist the choices, I decided to go for the sampler: a plate of brisket, hot link, pulled pork, and ribs - goodness. WE'RE ALL IN BABY! Beans and sweet potato were the sides of choice as cornbread was already included. At $25 or so it was pricey but worth it - it's the first time it seems like I could get everything I wanted in one order.

Our number was called several times I would guess, but I was busy talking up how cool the place was and didn't hear it. I picked up the order and took it back to the table. We divied up the spoils and started to dig in. There was a little bit of pinkish sauce over the soggy, stringy, pulled pork. "Plop!" as I put some on good bros 2 plate. The taste of the sauce could only be described as one thing: SWEET AND SOUR. You know, like the La Choy variety!?! The brisket was also moist, but moist in a steamed kind of way, much like how I was starting to feel. Hot links are some of my favorite and this one had a nice carbon crusted exterior with a little sauce caramelized on it. As the knife pierced the link, the hot-dog-esque interior was exposed and so were Lumpy's inadequacies. I put that link in my mouth and nearly lost my breakfast. The taste was repulsive. The gooeyness of the cooked on sauce was sickening and I fought my body's desire to rid itself of this offense. I can only imagine that this must be what "cheesy feet smell" must taste like - it was that BAD.

I stupidly found some inner strength to look civilized around the other diners, only to try the sweet potatoes next. As a lifted lump of the strangely iridescent, "Cheetos orange" colored potatoes (you can't see that in the picture), I was distracted by the stringiness. It seems almost as if they had murdered a sweet potato that was trying to set its next progeny of taters in process. I need a break from this, maybe the corn bread would be a haven from this hellishness. As I cut the bread in half i came to a sad realization, the bread was sticky. I know spoonbread variates of corn bread and I actually like those but this was not that, it was undercooked yellow cake.

What was going on here? This place is buzzing with people? There is no way I could even finish this meal! I put my fork down and realized that I had been duped, Sweet Lumpy's is like a siren attracting visitors with a sweet facade only to rob you of your hard earned money in trade for a plate of dog food. It could only mean one thing:

F